The most flexible month of any year concludes tomorrow and so does the second month of this year (okay and duh!). This time February was very experimental for me. Every week was different. Starting with re-coding my website in the first week, exploring theories of DSP–Digital Signal Processing in the second week (I discontinued it even though it was really interesting. I shall pick it up maybe?!), and then deciding to focus on writing only what comes naturally for a while.
In the process, I choose to release the unedited first drafts of the post. It highlights many mistakes, it makes the task easier for me, and it also gave me the confidence to publish posts like nihilism and a walk to nowhere. Which for a lack of better phrase were ‘indifferent to being accepted’ and were unedited drafts. It is the worst nightmare of a writer to share her first draft with the world. It will show them how a piece really looked when it came out, sometimes bloodied, mostly without makeup, and often complaining that it’s too cold for a shower.
It is more important to write the truth. I don’t know if it is the case with everyone, but I get a little ‘hmph!’ sound in my head, whenever I hear someone, or even myself, talk about truth. And, it isn’t a response I am comfortable with anymore. It doesn’t matter and I no longer feel it is all right for me to blame media, social networks, society, and stupidity as a reason to not go in pursuit of truth.
A truth may be universal, may be subjective, or difficult, or just too obvious, but it shall not remain undiscovered. Even if it destabilizes order, I seek the truth. It is the only way I know to find my voice. To seek and discover the truth, my truth, even if it creates chaos (I understood this pretty early, and I am utterly grateful I did). It did cost me dearly but nothing worth having comes cheap. The process is simple, like painting, keep landing the strokes and you will discover if it resonates true. If it doesn’t then you will learn what it isn’t that you seek.
It sounds simple and it is. The hard part is keeping yourself at it when you just can’t seem to land the right strokes. It will suddenly get clear, what the painting is about, once the initial strokes land where they should. Like a jigsaw puzzle, the picture will reveal itself as you match the right pieces; like swimming, the truth will suddenly become true, and this muffled ‘Hmph!’ will cease.
For the last sentence of the last post of this month, let me tell you something true. The word ‘month’ is derived from ‘moon’ and February is still truer even though it seems out of order.